hello, my name is carol.
thought i update my profile some,since i joined . i am a disabled mother of 5 wonderful children . oldest is 29 years and youngest is 9 years old.I also have 4 wonderful young,little grandchildren.
my 9 year son's name is Jacob. he is special to me in so many ways. he is so sweet,honest and inocent. he means the world to me.my son was diagnosed with autism,around the age of 4 years old, along with a few other disorders.even though i had no idea what that ment at the time, all i knew is i wanted to feel loved,and for him to be happy.ive been married to his father for a very,very long time. his father and i have had many struggles and more downs then ups. we had seperate for a while, due to I just couldnt take the mental pain he caused me day in and day out. we had always had things tough on us and money was always tight, but i always thought no matter how bad things got,as long as we stuck together as a family and hung in there with love, we could get threw anything.but was just foolishly dreaming,i guess.his father and i didnt see things or feel the same way about things and we grew further and further apart.and we had seperated... see i was used to being poor and not having much as a child and growing up as an adult and going with out alot,such as having enough food,enough heat to stay warm,ect. but i always wanted a loving family ever sice i was little. ...anyways i got back with my husband,thinking i need his help to take care of bills and pay the morgage,buy the oil to heat our home and give jacob a christmas and just hung onto a glimmer of hope that just maybe ... he would relize how much jacob and i ment to him and things would be different. but its not. we are still struggleing for our basic needs in life and we are struggleing for his father to love and care for us with his heart. im affraid i made the wrong choice,asking him back and affraid how im gonna get jacob and myself out of finacial desaster,his father put us further in.I worry about jacob christmas,enough food each day and clothes and home to keep him warm and now possibley looseing our home.i dont really like asking anyone for anything, it really makes me feel sad, like im a begger and im sorry for that. but i do try the best that i can and reach out on here, A hero is my only hope and that is when i post a wish for help, its because we really do need help and i ask from love, for love of my son jacob. Thankyou so much for reading this.I hope i didnt share to much or offened anyone.my depression is really getting to me and my heart hurts so much. im sorry.